Things I Will Enjoy About Not Being Pregnant

Well, I had my appointment at UT yesterday. I was pissed beyond measure as they had set up the appointment as having me meet with the gestational diabetes counselor. They said since I didn’t have my blood sugar numbers and that being the only reason I came, I could leave. I informed them that I was not there to see the gestational diabetes counselor, that I was supposed to see a doctor about birthing in the hospital since the Lisa Ross Center kicked me out. I had told them that whenever I called and made the appointment so I’m not sure how they messed that up.

Anyways, the receptionist told me to wait and she would talk to someone. After fifteen minutes or so, she came back and said they had agreed to see me, but that it would be a few minutes. So I said okay and waited…for an hour. Finally I was called to check in and then waited for a while longer. Finally, I was brought back for an ultrasound. I loved it because the ultrasound nurse estimated his weight at 7lbs 14oz. The week before at Lisa Ross they estimated his weight at 8lb 6oz. One of the main reasons they removed me from their practice was because he was getting so big and they were worried about shoulder dystocia. Obviously, he’s not as big as they think and as I found out, shoulder dystocia is impossible to predict and more often happens in perfectly healthy women with normal weight babies. So that just made me all the more upset with them for taking away my chance to labor in the water.

After the ultrasound, I met with the doctor. He decided to have my possible dilation checked and said we would schedule a time to get the baby out from there. A girl came to check me and said I was still only 1 cm, possibly 2 cm, and only 40% effaced. She returned shortly and said the induction was scheduled for Friday at 5:30 am. I was shocked that it was going to happen so soon. I figured I would have like a week advanced notice or something. So that means I go in tomorrow. Though I am very excited to finally end this pregnancy, I feel completely unprepared and nervous. To help myself focus on good things, I have made a list of things I will enjoy about not being pregnant anymore. So, for my sanity and your entertainment, here it is.

THINGS I WILL ENJOY ABOUT NOT BEING PREGNANT

-Losing the belly

-Sitting in a booth at a restaurant

-Not having to pee all the time

-Not waking up to roll over in bed

-My hands not going numb

-Wearing my wedding rings on my hand

-Getting massaged while laying on my stomach/back

-Bending over and standing up without pain

-Not constantly sweating

-No or at least less back pain

-Getting to look attractive to my husband again

-Not having awkward sex

-Keeping up when walking with other people

-Not discovering some new pregnancy symptom no one mentioned

-Having motivation to move around and clean the house

-Going on amusement park rides

-Legs not being swollen

-Being able to lift heavy items

-Taking OTC medicine when I need it

-Actually falling asleep when I lay down to sleep

-Easily reaching all parts of my body for shaving/washing

-Taking a steaming, almost too hot, bubble bath with salts for aches and pains

-Having a baby to love and play with

So there it is. I have all that to look forward to after he finally arrives. Yay!

Kicked Out By The Midwives

At 37 weeks, the midwife center I was going to birth at decided that I couldn't birth there because of possible complications. Since they were an hour away from home, I didn't mind b/c I could just birth at my local hospital. They had me sign a records release and told me to call my local OB's office asap so they could get my records that day and schedule my appointment. The birthing center scheduled me another appointment just in case I couldn't get in quickly at the new place.

I called the local OB’s office that day and they sent in the request for my records for the OB to look over and they would call me to set-up the appointment. I called a few days later and they said they hadn't received my records. I called the birthing center and they said they would send them right over. The day of my next appointment I found out they still had not sent the records. Apparently, they needed a midwife's signature on some test results before they could be sent. I don’t know why that was not taken care of the day they told me to have the new office request the records.

Anyways, after my appointment there, rather than faxing the records, they copied them and gave me the copies to hand deliver to the other office. So, they gave me a chore. Thanks.

I went straight to the new office and dropped off the records and they said they would call me the next day. The next day the new office called to say that they could not take me on as a patient.  I was tearing up before I even got off the phone and as soon as I hung up I just started bawling. I was now 38 weeks pregnant and had no doctor.

I called a handful of offices and they all said they could not take on a patient so late in the pregnancy. I finally broke down and called the UT Medical Center that had a high risk department. I had been seeing a nutritionist there for my gestational diabetes. I hated the place though so they were a last resort. They did agree to see me. So I have an appointment…in another week and they said if I go into labor before then just to come straight there.

I am really pissed at the midwife center for deciding so late in the pregnancy that I wasn’t a suitable patient. They knew all my risk factors from the beginning. I could have been going to the local OB the whole time and saving money in gas and not getting my hopes up for laboring in the water.

Because nothing (and I literally mean NOTHING) in this whole pregnancy has gone the way I hoped, I am very worried about the birth and about breastfeeding. I wanted a drug-free, natural birth, but I know the hospital is going to try to push drugs on me and I’m not sure I will be strong enough to say no. Of course, if the baby does get stuck, not having an epidural will allow for me to move to get him out rather than having to be cut. Or, even worse, I will have to have a c-section.

And so far, I have not started producing any breast milk. My mom didn’t make enough for me when I was born so I’m super afraid that I won’t be able to breastfeed which I had planned on doing for the first nine months. Breastfeeding is better for the baby, will save money, and was supposed to be the first thing to help me on my quest to lose 100 pounds in a year.

Guess I will just have to wait and see.

Husband Is Not Evil

So my husband was feeling very attacked here, but that is not the purpose of this site. Also, in case I did not make it totally clear, the plan to make myself look porn star good did not come from Bryan. It was my idea. He never asked me to do this. I did, however, have to share the background that led to my decision and it was because of his actions (or lack thereof) that my depression grew as it did. That is not something that can be disputed.

((So, honey, sorry if that upsets you that I put that out there, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the truth.))

Anyway, Bryan did say that the site makes him seem like such a bad guy because I never mention anything good he does. So to try to be fair I told him I would write a blog and mention some of the good things.

1. He gives me a hug and kiss before he leaves in the morning.
2. He gives me a hug and kiss when he gets home.
3. He works 40 hours a week and does website development from home so I can be a stay-at-home mom. (though sometimes he does spend too much time on the computer)
4. About 98% of the time, he makes dinner.
5. He let me get everything I wanted for the baby, even when I changed my mind a dozen times about what exactly I wanted.
6. He doesn't get mad when I zone out during his work stories.
7. He still loves me even though I became approximately the size of a beached whale and developed more mental issues than I knew I could handle.
8. We share a similar sense of humor.
9. He's been working on being more open and having an adult conversation by using words rather than silence.
10. He married me.
11. He puts up with my dogs even though he's not fond of them.

So that's what I got. When he does nice things, I will try to remember to put them on here so people don't think he's evil incarnate.

Pregnancy Still Not Going as Planned

Most women have an idea of how they want their pregnancy, labor, and delivery to go. No complications, just typical pregnancy angst and a pain-prevention method and delivery style of their choice. I believe that is the idea. This has not happened for me. This pregnancy has been wrong from the beginning. I believe I might have someone else's pregnancy.

My plan was to have a girl and to have her in the water at the midwife birthing center. I have always said that if I ever got pregnant I would want a water birth. It was the one thing I was adamant about. Well, due to my fertility specialist putting me on Metformin, the midwife sent me to UT Medical Hospital High Risk Obstetrics to have me checked for gestational diabetes. Due to some fluke fasting numbers (and the desire for my money), UT decided I did indeed have gestational diabetes and that I needed to be on Glyburide.

For those that don't know, if you have gestational diabetes then you cannot have a water birth. They told me I could still labor in the water though so I decided it was an okay settlement. I also found out that I am positive for Group B Strep. I don't know much about it other than it means that I will have to have antibiotics administered by IV during labor. Yay. And, of course, as we know I am having a boy. I cried on and off for three days over the fact. I am still not thrilled about it and every time I have an ultrasound I hope to hear that they were wrong. I will hope until the day it's finally born that he will actually be a she. After that I will just hope he turns out to be ultra-feminine.

So up until this point, I've not been a happy camper per se. However, I was okay with the settling I had done and was content to carry on. Then yesterday happened. I went to my midwife appointment as usual. I met with the director of the place who was one of only two midwives available that day. She told me that it was a pretty unanimous decision that I have a hospital delivery due to the possible complications.

{sigh}

At this point, I was in extreme pain from SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) which the midwife brushed off as round ligament pain that I couldn't do anything about, and I'd already compromised the way I wanted my delivery to be in every possible way so I didn't care. I asked if I could birth in my town rather than drive an hour to their nearest hospital. She said the only issue would be that there was no way a midwife could come assist at a birth in my town. However, she also said with them being so short-handed the possibility of having a midwife be able to attend my delivery if I went up there was still slim.

I'm 37 weeks today and I really don't care where or how he comes just that he does. I want him out of me. This whole pregnancy has been hell and I want to move past it. I want to start feeling comfortable again. I want to be attractive again. I can do that a lot easier as a mom than I can as a pregnant chick. Haha!