Hey Jealousy

"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment."
- Arab Proverb

This is very true. I get extremely jealous and I do worry often about Bryan leaving me. I also know this has a lot to do with my lack of self-confidence and my past experiences. In a former relationship, I cheated. I know all about how easy it is to hide it, how a person's reassurances can mean nothing. I am openly insecure. I have no reason not to be. I spent months being rejected. I'm working on getting myself in shape, but I know there are women out there who look better than I do. I also know that Bryan is a damn good catch. He's sexy as hell, smart, and stable. He's fairly relationship illiterate and doesn't have any understanding of romanticism, but I keep hoping that will improve in time, perhaps when I look better. If I meet his idea of the perfect woman he may be more inclined to dote.

Anyways, Bryan has been doing web development on the side of his regular job to bring in some extra cash. It seemed like a good idea, but I noticed that all but like one or two of his "clients" have been women. His working on web stuff is time taken away from me and now from Sylar. So what I end up seeing is his family being ignored while he talks to other women. That sends my jealousy to a boiling level.

He does know how I feel. I thought because of this he was limiting his intreractions. However, I found out today that he has not only been continuing to work with a certain woman in particular, but she has not had to pay for his services and now, he has even asked for her to work with him, doing some marketing on projects. Being as insecure as I am, I do check his browser history and will scan his e-mail. This is how I found out.

I had mentioned yesterday that I thought for what he wanted to do he was really going to need a marketing person. When he got home today, I told him that when I said that I was certainly not suggesting that girl. He asked if I knew a marketing person and I said, "No, but you can find one." He said he would like someone locally, but until he "ran into that person," the current situation would do.

Oh, really? So omitting information to your wife and not even bothering to attempt to find a marketing person, just waiting until you "run into" a marketing person at the grocery store or something, that will do? Sorry, but that does not "do" for me. We'll see where this goes.